Heading Abroad This Summer? These New Rules Could Cost You €1,500

For years, people (myself included) went abroad with the mindset that there were fewer rules than a third year’s free gaff. But deep down, we always knew the dress code in a foreign supermarket isn’t speedos and flip-flops — no matter how “free” you feel in the frozen food aisle. Yet somehow, you’ll still spot a family of five in the crisp aisle dressed like they’ve just left a water park. And sure, drinking sangria at 10am feels like a win… until you can’t find your hotel at 3pm.

There’s been a serious clampdown on rowdy tourists across Europe, especially in spots like Albufeira, Ibiza, and the Canaries. You could be fined up to €1,500 for nudity, €1,250 for public peeing, and another €1,250 for wearing a bikini anywhere but the beach. Spain’s even putting limits on booze in all-inclusive deals and banning party boats.

To you, you’re Fatboy Slim — to the locals, you’re more like Fat Lad Slightly Winded.

Dragging a JBL speaker on full blast might feel like setting the vibe, but to the residents of Lisbon or Split, it just sounds like you’re auditioning for “Main Cause of Complaint.”

Look, we’re not saying don’t lose your mates, fall asleep in a doorway, and get your entire day’s nutritional value in a place called “Doctor Kebab” — just keep it within reason. Cannonballing into your hotel pool at 35 isn’t reliving your youth — it’s activating your E1-11 card. And running from a taxi at 35? That’s not rebellion — that’s a pulled hamstring and an unpaid fare.

Fines are now higher than your return flights and hotel combined. So if you’re heading away this summer, enjoy yourself, stay sound, and maybe leave the inflatable mankini at home.